Episode 22- Where do we go from here?

Hey, everyone.

This is a raw, real podcast – no intro, no outro.  I am just kind of speaking off the cuff here, since we are stepping into a new year and we have what I feel like is a fresh set of opportunities to really reframe how we look at behaviors and focus on regulation.  

So, I’m betting if you’re listening to this podcast you are not new to me.  But in case you are, I wanted to provide a very quick analogy or discussion about what self-regulation is.

The work I do is centered around self-regulation and co-regulation, with the pinnacle of the work I do being that I think adults for too long got the message that kids need to focus only on self-regulation, when really what kids need is a strong foundation of co-regulation experiences.  (We’ll talk about self-regulation and co-regulation in a minute.)  They need a strong foundation of those experiences to develop a healthy sense, a healthy skill set of self-regulation.

Self-regulation is the ability to independently monitor your thoughts and emotions or energy states (if you align more with energy states), and then to be able to modulate or change those thoughts and energy states  to accomplish a goal despite any obstacles you may face with the people around you, the space around you, the objects around you.  It’s the ability to continually monitor your thoughts, emotions, and energies to achieve a goal, despite whatever obstacles may be around you. 

You can kind of picture this in terms of the day-to-day. So I’m trying to get out the door and all my stuff spills all over the floor.  Immediately I can have a thought about, “Oh my gosh!  I can’t believe you did that.  You dummy!  Why did you drop that?”  Or I can think, “Oh, it fell. Let’s pick it back up and let’s keep going.”  Depending on whichever train of thought you go with, you might wind up either looping further and further into a more stressed, anxious state or you might arrive at a state that says, “I can handle this. I can solve this problem (hence the name of this podcast, “Teaching and Raising Problem Solvers”), and I will keep going.”

What I think is really important is that skill set, of being able to self-regulate, is something that we, even as adults with fully-developed frontal lobes, are continuing to develop and work on.  And, hopefully, we develop interconnected and intra-connected circles of support that facilitate the development of our self-regulation, so that when we’re stressed, we can call somebody.  We can lean on our partners, we can lean on a friend, we can lean on a family member, to have them be present with us to share in that experience, to support us to return back to a regulated state. 

So, regulation is both active in the moment when we are away from our optimal regulation zone (when we are what we call “dysregulated”), but it is also more forward-thinking in that goal-directed way, in that it supports us to set goals and move forward.  And what I hope we really move forward with in 2023 is this understanding that the three pinnacles of co-regulation are where we need to focus the most.  

I am continually concerned for the well-being of both the adults and the students in our schools right now.  I see a lot of dysregulation.  I see a lot of struggle.  I see a lot of stress.  It definitely was going on before the pandemic, but has been exacerbated by the pandemic, and I hope in 2023 we can take those key pinnacles of co-regulation, which is regulating with another person to support the return to regulation–that shared experience–and really focus on warm, attuned, responsive relationships in schools, both between the adults and the kids, but also between the adults themselves and between the kids themselves.  This has become increasingly evident to me, that we need to focus on building teams in schools that are truly inclusive and equitable for all students, so that we support and accept differences.  So really, that key pinnacle is to first provide warm, attuned, responsive relationships and facilitate those between all the members of school communities.

Second of all, we want to make sure we are structuring the environment.  We are providing consistent routines.  We are providing access to rhythms and routines that all students can be part of, so they can learn their roles and they can achieve and work toward more independence and interdependence with those roles.  

And lastly, we want to ensure that we are really prioritizing teaching, coaching, and modeling of self-regulation skills.  That is an active process.  Those are the three things that I am really advocating for and pushing for in 2023. 

We have so much research at our fingertips to support why we need to make this shift.  

If you want to look more at the research, go check out some of the links in the show notes.  The research is overwhelmingly pointing us to the need to move away from a behavior-focused educational system to a regulation-centered educational system.  And that does not mean that we are going to let go of limits, that does not mean that we are going to go “soft.”  It means we are going to provide structure that also facilitates interdependent networks that focus on the development of self-regulation skills. 

That is my call to action for 2023, to be a part of this in whatever way that I can – whether it is through the consults that I do, the reading that I’m doing, or the pieces I’m going to submit to present at larger conferences this year.

That is where I’m feeling called to act, and I hope you’ll join me.  In whatever way you’re aligned with this work, I hope that it calls you, too.  Because I think we’re at a key turning point and we must take action. 

This isn’t a fear-based dialogue, this is just reality-based for me.  We must take action.  We must adjust the course of the ship, because you know how long it takes for a ship to turn.  It will take a while to really set this in motion, and then for it to continue in motion. It has been started by the work of Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. Mona Delahooke, who are already advocating for change in our systems.  But we have to all become part of this, so that we can turn that boat a little bit faster, because it goes with the people.  That’s how change happens – it happens with the people.

All right, everybody – that’s my 2023 note to you.  As always, I am so glad you’re here.  I hope you’re taking the best care of you, and I promise I’ll talk to you soon.