Connecting meaningfully by Connecting with OURSELVES first
My strong-willed, happy boy loves his 1:1 focus and mama time
Happy Tuesday, caregivers! (PSA- I had to double check it was Tuesday BECAUSE I honestly am having a hard time keeping days separate (anyone else?!) I hope the Easter weekend brought you some time outside- some time to be present, and maybe a few moments to yourself to breathe and adapt to the current world circumstances which have been SO rapidly changing over the last few weeks. My blog posts will be coming out every Tuesday starting, well, TODAY! These blog posts will cycle in a CONNECTION-COREGULATION-RECOMMENDATION format. I am SO GLAD you’re here!
As the work-life integration has started (STARTED, please emphasize that word) to get easier (I used those words carefully- because honestly there isn’t a balance right now but there is a careful ability to integrate the two since they are happening together AND it is getting easiER, slowly… ) I am noticing a really important correlation- if I don’t take time to connect meaningfully with myself and my needs first and often throughout the day, I don’t connect with my kids very well. I am too caught up in my own needs not being met- feeling frustrated and angst-y. Can anyone else relate?! Anyways- this makes sense to me because when I feel calmer and more in tune, I can respond to my kids. And guess what happens then? Yep- my kids’ behavior often is significantly more regulated and tuned in. There is no correlation there- that is causation. When I am calmer, my kids feel like their needs are met and therefore with a full love tank, are more responsive and don’t seek to get my attention in poor behavior ways.
With that level of awareness, I have carefully taken stock of what is helping me to relax and feel more even (we call this, REGULATION!) and focusing on consistent application of these strategies throughout my day. Some might call this ‘self-care’- but me, I call it regulation (I am really tired of the term self-care- I think it’s over used and under applied).
Here are some things I am doing to connected with myself, regulate, and be present to connect with my kids:
Get up early, and fulfill a morning routine. Right now, this looks like:
Make a pot of coffee, bible study, write down goals, review calendar, and listen to a few minutes of personal development of my choice.
Work for about 20-30 minutes to CREATE- creating for my business in some way. I find CREATING before CONSUMING (not my own words, TBH) social media or email, fires me up in a really unique way- and reminds me of the BIG PICTURE
After creation, work for about 10-20 minutes checking emails and logistically organizing the necessary work tasks for the day as well as organizing my social media posts and when I will respond (note- this is not creation based, but rather responsive based or CONSUMING)
Build in work focus times throughout the day during the kids TV show times (one in the AM, one in the PM) as well as during Troy’s naptime. Short work chunks are where it’s at, and honestly to save my sanity some days there is more screen time for Troy. so I can finish a meeting or a session without worrying that he’s going to take a leap of faith down the stairs.
Maddy is asked to have quiet time during Troy’s naptime with the exception of 20-30 minutes which are FOCUSED time for her to get some 1:1 love and attention (depositing that LOVE into her love tank) - as the older sib she carries some more responsibility and therefore a full love tank for her is INCREDIBLY important.
During Troy’s naptime, I have been doing 10-15 minutes of meditation- which I have NEVER been a meditation gal but this pandemic has allowed me to get grace and try it- and it replenishes me in a way I never saw coming.
Working out at least 1x per day- whether it be a walk with our dog Harley, a structured workout on my Peloton or with weights. Movement helps me feel more balanced and regulated
Driving to NOWHERE whenever I can for 10-15 minutes just to blast tunes in my car and drive with no one saying ‘mom,mom,mom,mom,mom’- over and over again. PS- my tunes are definitely not G rated on these solo drives.
I am curious- what are your rhythms and routines for regulation? How are you connecting with yourself?
Be well, my friends- and take good care of you-
Peace, Love & Abundant Gratitude-
Danielle