Coach vs. CEO- Which Role do you Prefer?

A lot of the work I do (& have done within myself!) in caregiver coaching is to help caregivers see which role they prefer when it comes to supporting problem solving skills in my kids. Before you start jumping up and down, let me explain.

Problem solving is an acquired lifelong skill. There are two books that I respect immensely that have helped shape my own coaching habits when working with other professionals, both by Michael Bungay Stanier (The Coaching Habit and The Advice Trap). Both books repeat the message that being a leader means that you enhance coaching skills; empowering others to think critically and problem solve for themselves. When you focus on empowering others to do the critical thinking, they will find power within themselves, and more effectively navigate the smaller problems while still coming to you for coaching on the larger issues, knowing that you will be serving to mentor them instead of solving everything.

Let’s translate that to our families. Caregivers are often the leaders of their families. They start off as CEO when their children are infants because little babies require that we make the decisions and problem solve for children to keep them safe, seen, secure, and soothed. No where are we told exactly where and how this shift should start taking place, but I would argue it starts taking place in the first year of life. Watching your kids struggle (just a little!) to try and move to get an item just out of their reach, their tumbling first steps, and everything in between. As kids become mobile and approach the toddler years (1-3) this is where parents can start shifting from CEO to Coach and start empowering their kids to problem solve. You know, that cheering parents do when their kids take the first steps or start crawling? That same level of encouragement (no, you don’t need to cheer at every little thing) can be applied for kids when they bump up against a little discomfort and have to use their problem solving skills. No- this doesn’t mean leaving a toddler alone to cook (or alone to do anything, man, toddlers can create a disaster zone in very little time!) but it does mean supporting and encouraging them to figure out a new toy, discover how to navigate a new playground structure, and more.

You’ll notice that the title is ‘which role do you prefer’- and that’s a key question here. Sometimes it’s hard to watch our kids struggle to problem solve. Sometimes it’s hard to be patient to let them problem solve. Sometimes we are frustrated and it’s hard for us to stay calm to let them problem solve. These are all true factors- but the question is, are you willing to stick it out in some of these scenarios for the better of your child’s problem solving skills? You can be a supportive and loving home base for your child, while still empowering them to critically think and problem solve.. And the results will be worth it.