Parenting during COVID-19- There is NO BALANCE
These are wild times, are they not?
The last six (Seven? Eight? Twenty five?) weeks have taught me a lot about the tricky challenges of trying to navigate parenting, teaching, and working. I’m here to share a (not so) big secret- there is NO BALANCE.
NO BALANCE.
It’s all a consistent juggling act. And it won’t be perfect- it’s going to be downright messy, and sometimes we are all going to mess up and drop all the plates we are trying to juggle. A lot of times we will mess up. I have ruptured and repaired interactions many times the last several weeks- but I make sure to come back around to repair and check back in with my kids whenever I lose my patience or I don’t have time in the moment to play a game. And all of a sudden, I realized this is no different than regular life- aside from the fact that we have very few opportunities to get alone time or quiet uninterrupted work time at home. So what do we do?
Here are my core recommendations:
Talk to one another, and really listen to how hard it is right now. It is hard. You sometimes just need to be heard. Preface conversations by saying ‘I need to vent’ or ‘I just need you to listen’ to a close friend. Be heard and be validated- it can go a long way. In accordance with that- listen and validate your mom friends. Support them. Instead of trying to find the silver lining (unless they’re asking you to draw it) just let them talk. Brene Brown’s video on empathy (found here) really reminds us that sometimes just BEING WITH someone in their times of struggle is how we can support.
There are three cores of supporting teaching at home- connection- regulation (coregulation)- and recommendation (teaching). The first part- CONNECTION- is just about being present for your kids- listening to them and strengthening your bond with them no matter what the circumstances are. Connecting and playing- pouring into their love tanks- and that’s where the magic is for a lot of this.
Take the best care of yourself that you possibly can. It’s not selfish to workout alone. It’s not selfish to tell your kids you can’t play a game while you are meditating for 10. Create your unplug/reset time, and protect it as if it’s a meeting you would never cancel.
If you lose your patience or cool- we call that a rupture. The goal is to model for your kids BEFORE you rupture that you’re getting mad- and take a few minutes to cool down. But we’re human- we are like volcanos sometimes and we don’t have the ability to simmer back down. If you lose your patience, circle back to your child (WHEN YOU’RE CALM!) and talk it out. Apologize, own the behavior. Try not to make excuses (it kind of dulls down the repair) and just focus on the relationship.
Juggle along friends- let go of the plates you don’t need to be juggling whenever possible- and let go of balance.
Lots of LOVE.